Happy 2008!

There's only 2 more days until we begin our Winter Break and I will be without daily & easy access to my computer. So, I'll be gone for a few weeks, but certainly wish you a wonderful holiday season. I'll write again-- next year! :)

Quote This!

“My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here.”

~ Jim Henson ~

I'm not usually one that's into quotes, but if I had to pick one, and only one quote, this would be it. It sums up my purpose in life, better that I could ever put into words.

Somewhere in the middle...

I started, again, to write about the thick skin & soft heart issue... But somehow, the words weren't there. As I sat and reflected (and have been doing for a long, long time now), I realized that there's so much to just this issue that I have I have to get out. And now, well I guess there's been enough time... enough time in my current teaching assignment to look back at the struggles, celebrations, victories and losses that lead me to where I am now as a teacher. However, to get where I am; I have to go back in my story.

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After the year with C (see two posts down), I decided that I needed a change of pace. So, I took on a big change. I moved out of state and taught for a year in an elementary school. At that time, I was sure that elementary kids were my favorite. After all, they were hilarious, cute and even liked to give you an occasional hug from time to time. Needless to say, I, once again, enjoyed the time I spent at this school and actually allowed my heart to open up to many of them. However, I was incredibly home sick and I couldn't believe it! So I made a tough decision and returned the following year back "home."

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I was hired to teach for a "new" program for our special education cooperative. The program was a self-contained, therapeutic, day treatment program for students with emotional and other disabilities in grades 6-8. Currently there was another program, but it was designed primarily for elementary students and they were outgrowing their overstuffed portable building.

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To be honest, I have no clue how or why I even applied or interviewed for that job. First of all... MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENTS.... Hello, Sarah, are you nuts? Secondly, I firmly believed in all or mostly inclusive settings and self contained was not a "philosophy" that I bought into. Lastly, this program was to be housed in a portable building (at least it had a bathroom) that was outside of and secluded from a local elementary school where the feeling was, shall we say, one of "exclusion" and "uneasiness." Despite all of these factors, I was excited to take on a new and exciting endeavour.

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And, let me tell you, it was was exciting!

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There's lots to tell about the time that I spent at this teaching assignment- from the learning environment, attitudes of staff, forms of discipline and student successes and failures- but that, readers, is, as they say, another story. Ones that I probably do need to write and share at some point, but not all today. The two years I spent at this program, are the two that most shaped my life, as a teacher and the person I am today. There's a lot to tell.

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There are not adequate words to state here about the impact that this place had on me, my teaching and overall philosophy of education and human kind, in general. The work & relationships I built with those students and in that tiny building were never more challenging, rewarding nor life-altering.

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It was my work at this place that shaped my strong preference for middle school students. I realized what a lovely metamorphosis of change and being these years can bring. After all, can one really take things personally when a person is going through adolescence? I think not! I also learned that while I still strongly believed in the necessity for inclusive settings, that there was a time and place, occasionally, for more restrictive settings. While I now teach in a mostly-inclusive environment, the work I do can not compare to that I did when I taught self-contained with the same students throughout each day. Lastly and sadly, the attitudes of others in the community and in the schools, have not greatly improved- especially towards those students with emotional disabilities. BUT, it served as a catalyst and focus on my passion as a teacher. This negative perception and reaction serves as my fuel and fire for the passion I have in advocating for and working with these students. Students I see as people first... People with hearts and dreams and hopes and wishes and families and gifts and who are so deserving of the care and respect we can give them.

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This, here... this brief summary of two of the best years of my life- years where I cried harder, laughed more, screamed louder, advocated stronger- is who I am and what really shaped me as an educator, friend, mentor and human being. I hope somewhere, in the future, I can explain more of my experiences as a teacher and the stories of this place... the place that is me. Teacher.

Grinchy...

I was going to write more about the squishy heart issue (see 2 entries down), when that got me thinking, literally, about the Grinch from Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. (Something about a heart that was two sizes too small perhaps?)

I must admit it. I do not enjoy the holidays. I'm not sure if I'm in fact a "Grinch", but I certainly can identify with the saying,"Bah Humbug." Sure, I like being out of school for a couple of weeks, but overall, it's a stressful and unstructured time. I wonder if any of your students could be feeling this way as the holidays draw near?

Things you can do to help as holiday time approaches:

1. Keep routines as "normal" and as structured as possible, with advance notice of changes (when you can).

2. Remember that holidays are not joyful for everyone. Be aware of anxiety and stress that may be happening at home as the holidays grow near.

3. De-emphasize material items, when appropriate. Wish lists can be a great creative writing or math activity. Just realize that for some, who may not be able to afford holiday luxuries- discussing what "could" be can be difficult.

4. Be aware of cultural and religious differences. Be sensitive and share others holiday traditions and celebrations.

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These ideas may be helpful to you when you come back from Winter Break too!

Free Rice!

Help end world hunger & improve your vocabulary. If for some reason the link above doesn't work, please check out http://www.freerice.com/ .

Big 'Ol Softy...

Thick Skin vs. Sensitive Heart Part 1

A colleague approached me the other day expressing sadness over a situation which involved one of her students being placed in foster care. What surprised me was the lack of emotion I felt about the scenario. After all, this I had worked with this student many times the past school year and cared for her, but I'd heard it and experienced it before. I started rationalizing instead of becoming emotional. This startled me. As an educator, have I been hardened to the perils students face? Is it a benefit to have a super thick skin or to have a sensitive, squishy heart?

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It was over nine years ago when I first started teaching. I will never forget my students that year, especially one young girl who touched my heart. C was a firecracker. She had been taken from her biological parents and placed in foster care for almost six months when I came to know her during her 3rd grade year. She had come from a background of abuse, violence and neglect I can only imagine. Of her siblings, C was the only one who was not hospitalized, but she still had her issues. She would often spend what seemed like hours throwing tantrums and would often hide under the teacher's desk. She would run into the bathroom when she didn't want to do something and there were several times where I would sit on the bathroom floor slipping her assignments under the stall and just talking to her. I will never forget the time when I caught her looking off of her spelling list during a test and when I said, "Please turn it over." she grabbed her entire tub of materials, held it above her head and turned all the contents "over" and onto the floor. She then smiled and said, "You only said to turn IT over, so I did." I loved this kid!

C also had a wonderful amount of spunk, sass and potential. She was smart! She had a gift for reading people and was extremely intuitive of others feelings. She controlled her environment like no other I've ever met. She was a survivor and it showed! C had made tons of progress academically, socially and emotionally over the year. She wasn't throwing tantrums as often and as we built a community of trust, we built a strong relationship and foundation for learning to happen. She hadn't hidden under the teacher's desk in months, and while she still had her "moments" she was really showing that she had the skills and desire to continue to improve. It was right after we returned from winter break that C ran into my room crying and hugged me saying, "I'm going to be adopted. They are going to adopt me! The chose me!" In my experience with her I never saw C cry "real" tears and C didn't like to be touched, but she initiated this and I knew it brought her true joy. I was glad that she chose to share that moment with me.

C continued to make progress as the year went on and I was pleased. Not that we didn't have our moments- C was not "cured" and she still definitely had an "emotional disability", but she was improving. The fact that she was going to be adopted and continue in this community, was just the icing on the cake for me. I became so hopeful for her future. I worked extra long hours creating plans for her, I advocated for her to be in classes that teachers were unsure she could "handle." I really catered to her learning styles and we came up with a behavior system for her that she bought into and was a part of. I saw a future for C and was glad to be a part of her success. It was with this excitement and momentum that I came to our annual case conference with. It happened to be late May, because I had wanted to see how much progress she made and give a good recommendation of what class to put her in the following school year. I was excited because we had a made a decision that I would stay on as her teacher of record because of our relationship and progress. I was thrilled. I had just gotten the signature on her IEP when her foster mother looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "We have decided not to adopt C. We are having a baby in the fall and are not sure it will be safe for him. It's been very hard, but C will be removed right after school gets out." She excused herself from the table and exited. I couldn't speak a word. My mouth dropped, my heart sank and I began sobbing in front of everyone at that conference as soon as she turned to leave.

My heart and part of my spirit were broken.

C was different after that and so was I. The last couple of weeks went by in a blur. I went to see C the day she was leaving at home. I gave her the book The Pinballs by Betsy Byars and wrote a message on the inside with my address and phone number. I told her that I cared for her and gave her a hug before I left. She didn't hug me back. I never saw or heard from her again. I didn't return to teaching in that school the following school year.

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I am so thankful today for the gift of being able to work with C that first year that shaped so much of the teacher I am today. My then-soft, squishy heart was what drove my passion and commitment to the students I worked with. It was the same heart that broke on the floor of that meeting room and never looked at a student through the same eyes again. It was that heart that was unable to walk the halls of that school without knowing where C was and imagining her there.

Although I still lead with care and concern and believe that is the best way to reach students, it can be a really fragile and dangerous place to teach from. But isn't that what risks are all about? Isn't that what makes both the worst and best parts of our jobs? It's a fine balance and one I continue to struggle with.

To be continued...

The gift of autism...

I just recently got back from the second day of some really informative training regarding people with autism. The autism community is one that is fast growing- not only in numbers of those with that label, but also, with those who support and encourage people, research and practices for those on the autism spectrum.

One of the most intriguing parts of this training was when a panel of four adults with Asberger's Syndrome came to talk about their lives, struggles and answer questions from the audience. There were consistent and clear messages from these individuals:

1) To be seen as people first; not first by the autism label.

2) To be treated with respect, dignity & care.

3) To be included with "typical" people and peers.

4) If people feel the need to put a label on them- to put one of "different" NOT disabled or as if something is wrong with them just because they have been diagnosed with autism.

To me, this seems unbelievably fair and reasonable. I am encouraged by the hope, research and knowledge being shared about people with autism. I hope that I will continue to see students as people first instead of looking first at their label or disability. I hope you will do the same.